"Can you just take High School Musical’s exact MySpace and just photoshop my actors’ heads onto those Disney fags?"
I’d pull out my hair:
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Over the phone:
Client: “I’ve put the DVD in my computer but it won’t recognize it in Windows Media Player. Normally it works without any problems.”
Me: “Your computer has two drives and only one of them can read DVDs. Which drive did you put the disc in?”
Client: “What do you mean? They’re different? You’re supposed to be the computer expert, why can’t you just tell me what’s wrong?”
Me (Ignoring everything wrong and insulting about the previous comment): ”Each of the two drives have a little insignia on the front. One says ‘DVD’ and the other says ‘CD’. Make sure the disc is in the tray that says ‘DVD’.”
Client: “Are you f***ing kidding me? You can’t just tell me what’s wrong? How do you expect to get paid for what you do if you can’t make a f***ing DVD work on my computer? I can’t see anything on the computer that says ‘DVD’ or ‘CD’.”
Me (With my finite sense of decency quickly draining): “Try the top one.”
Client: ”Oh wait, the disc is still on my desk. (She puts it into the computer and the DVD starts playing instantly.) Well, I figured it out by myself. I guess I didn’t need your fancy tech support after all.”
(Client Hangs up)
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I remember my days in tech support. Always something crazy going on
One of my favorites while doing tech support…
Me: "Okay, now just pull the little tab that’s on the bottom of the cartridge. It might just be a sticker."
Client: "Alright."
(client puts down the phone and I hear lots of shuffling for a about a solid minute, then a pop)
Client: "Okay…. now there’s ink everywhere."